Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
