when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
