no, he came in my armpit
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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