On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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