Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
