did you get engaged???
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
