can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
