I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
