Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
