No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
