my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
