What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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