You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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