Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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