But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize