i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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