In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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