Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
