The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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