i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
