Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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