Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
