wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
