did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
