So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
