Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
