I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
