We won't sleep together?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
