I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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