I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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