Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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