So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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