Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
