if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
