So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
