Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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