I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
