if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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