i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
