Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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