I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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