your room smells of hookers.
And success
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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