Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Welp...herpes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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