Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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