Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
