: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
