Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
