I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
