Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
