I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
