I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
