I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
