It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
