cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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