I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
