I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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