I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
