I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
