Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
