That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
