I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
