I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
