you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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