ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
